Fellowship Team Leads Marriage Retreat In Russia

Healing and hope brought to struggling marriages
By Larry Kayser

Russia surprised me. I was surprised by the mix of beauty and darkness. By the monochrome colors of high rise apartments in Moscow. By the magnificent and ornate churches built in a country that for nearly a century denied the existence of God. By the old, hot, cramped and slightly scary Aeroflot jets that take you from Moscow to the far reaches of southwest Russia. By the old, yellow diesel van that carried us into the Caucus Mountains to a small town called Karachaevsk.

Russia is a land where divorce and alcoholism walk hand-in-hand. Many of the women who attended the family camp have experienced serious physical abuse at the hands of fathers, uncles, brothers or husbands. They have lived in an often cruel, male-dominated culture. I was told that if a man did not have another woman outside of his marriage that he was not respected, and in fact, was considered to be a weak man. Into this culture the Lord allowed our team to come and speak about the biblical picture of marriage.

Early in the week the men were critical, argumentative, and unteachable. There were frequent disagreements and arguing among the men themselves. But as each day came and went, we began to see God slowly open the men’s hearts.

When Friday arrived, approximately 20 couples gathered and we began to share with them the biblical picture of oneness in marriage. After a couple of hours of teaching and discussion we gave them their first assignment to work on as a couple. My wife Anne and I watched from the front of the room as couples began to look at each other, to speak honestly and gently with each other. We slowly noticed some tears that began to flow, but mainly we saw them trying to listen to one another. By day’s steps of growth, and new insights gained for nearly all of the couples. One woman, Nadia, realized for the first time, that they could speak of difficult things without fear, anger or shouting. Another surprise.

The next morning, Anne and I met with a local pastor and his wife. For several years they have labored leading a small church in Karachaevsk, a church that continues to try and grow in the stubborn, rocky soil of a community dominated by Islam. This young wife and mother cried as she spoke of her fear when her husband left their home, her fears that he would be arrested, beaten or killed by Muslim extremists. She spoke of her need to be heard and encouraged by her husband. He tenderly described their conversation from the night before. They talked of forgiveness and confession. They spoke of ways they could learn to love each other. Finally, this young pastor looked at us and told us in his best, broken English, “We have never spoken together in this way, my wife’s heart opened up to me for the first time. I understand what you are saying to me.”

Maybe that kind of love could become a pathway for Christ to be known in this often harsh, male-dominated Muslim world.